please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
