he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
