don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
