I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
