Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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