ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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