the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
