Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
