Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
