theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
