am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
