Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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