Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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