I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
