She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
