this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
