A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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