Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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