My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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