So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
