Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
