im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
