You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
