When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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