The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
