It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
