hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
