I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
