I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
