Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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