Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize