I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
