I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
