i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
