he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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