I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
