Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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