I wannas sexs uuuuu
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
