What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
