Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
