Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Terrible idea I love it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
