its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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