did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
