Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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