i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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