We won't sleep together?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
