im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
