she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
