Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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