The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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