one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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