i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
