he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
