Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
