I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
