his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
