Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is wine microwaveable?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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