He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
