She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
