I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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