I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
