I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
