just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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