Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
