How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
