do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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