I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
