just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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