Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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