yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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