a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
