Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
