Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
