this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
