I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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