Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
