To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize