I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
