so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
