Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize