Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
