six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
