Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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