dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
