I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
