you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i now understand why vodka
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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