the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
