I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
