btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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