College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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