that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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