ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize