ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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