I puked a lego.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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