last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
