Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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