after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
