What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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