Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
