She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
