my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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