Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
