It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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