So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
