I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
